2.     The first person that “booed.” I would like to politely tell her (I’m going to say it’s the hag on “The Princess Bride,”) that she has created a generation of idiots at any sporting event. Other than liquor, nothing but sports has the ability to turn a decent man into someone I don’t know anymore.  I blame booing.

3.     The person that created the phrase “nourish and strengthen our bodies” when blessing food. Other than “Gangnam Style,” nothing has been more successfully viral. I would ask how he did it, and if he had any tips for my blog.

4.     Anyone that chooses Luigi in Mario Kart. I just want to know what’s going through their head. I want to understand.

5.     The guy that blows his nose SUPER loud at work. He’s not dead, but I’ll wait till we cross to the other side before we have that conversation. I’m genuinely curious as to:

a) How I too can blow my nose that loud.

b) What is condition is.  

c) Why it is always only twice? “Rahhhsdafj. (Pause) Rahhhhsdafj.” Done. I will explain to him that it’s frustrating because I never have time to grab my phone and record it, because no one believes that it’s THAT loud. It’s just kind of selfish, really. Shrug.

6.     The person that invented the Baja Chicken Chalupa at TB. That wouldn’t so much be a conversation, so much as me kissing him/ her? Fingers crossed it’s a “him,” and he isn’t married.

7.     The people that wrote the songs, “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall,” and “It’s a Small World After All.” These would be emotionally draining conversations, but they have to happen. I just don’t know why someone could hate people that much.

8.     The person that invented the joke, “How’s the weather down there?” Really. Did you really think it’s hilarious to insinuate that six inches in height will make the difference between snow and sunshine? Also, how did one bad joke get so many followers? I’m appalled.

9.     Joseph of Egypt. Talk about a standing ovation.

10. Anyone that chooses 7UP under any circumstances.

11. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put rat poison into something people inhale. Not that cigarettes are a great idea in the first place, but really. Rat poison? Huge thumbs up to that kid.