I bet Audrey had bad days too 2

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Sarah's top 20 favorite things to hate

9:19 AM

We all have favorite things to hate. Right? Am I a freak? Whatever.

1.     My reaction when someone doesn’t wet his toothbrush before adding toothpaste: Are you INSANE?

2.     Ketchup packets that aren’t Chick Fil ‘a style.

3.     “Thank you, Captain Obvious.” No explanation necessary.

4.     When you give a comment in Sunday school and the teacher doesn’t respond. At all. Or is looking through their notes the whole time. Talk about casting pearls before swine.

5.     When people tell their kids there’s no Santa Claus. I mean when they don’t even give the child the chance to deduce for themselves that maybe it’s not possible for one man to hit up every home in the world in one night, carrying one bag that’s supposed to fit a gift for each of the 2.2 billion children on earth before they turn seven. In the words of Tim Allen, “You don’t want kids running around using their imaginations.”
Trust your kids! In fact, if they don’t figure it out by the time they’re, let’s say 14, you probably have some different issues you wouldn’t have known about had you not raised them to believe in Santa Claus. So, you’re welcome. 

6.     When people say, “I could care less.” You could, could you? Hmmm… You’re saying it wrong.

7.     When people laugh only through their nose. The suppression gives me anxiety.

8.     I want to sit on the couch all day lonnng, never smile. Ever. And hate puppies. à My reaction when I see or hear these words linked: Live. Laugh. Love.

9.     When I get a video SnapChat and my volume is off.

10. I will basically stop texting you if you use “u,” “idk,” or “r.” Is it really worth the saved point three seconds it takes you to type those extra two letters to look like you stopped going to school after third grade?

11. When people stifle sneezes. Every time I’m like, “You have basically deprived yourself of the purest form of satisfaction.”

12. When someone tells me I’m short. I want to say, “YOU’RE BALD,” or something equally as obnoxious, obvious and offensive.

13. When people don’t get their hands wet before washing their hands.

14. Slapstick humor of any sort.

15. Jokes that make fun of Canadians. I’m not Canadian, but the jokes are easy and lame and repetitive.

16. Shirts that say, “Your village called. Their idiot is missing.”

17. Any future music video Miley Cyrus plans to make. (I dig her music though. Sue me.)

18. How absurdly commonplace it is to hear about a school shooting.

19. When a guy goes out of his way to tell me his accomplishments or how smart he is when they first meet me. I’m all, “I got into BYU-Idaho. *blink. blink.*”

20. “That’s funny.” Zero laughter. Don’t insult me.

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