I cringe when I hear this expression: “There are no good guys out there.”

Now, anyone that knows my fiancé might say, “Easy for you to say.” But really, Gunnar aside.

This thought was triggered last night. Yesterday, I felt pretty dang sick, and Gunnar was out of town. This is fine, but I wanted a priesthood blessing and had to outsource to home teachers.

When I called my home teachers, they were a ways away and said they could give me one in an hour or so, but, being a grandma, I was kind of hoping I could go to bed ASAP. So I said I would call around, and if no one could, I’d love if they gave me one a bit later.

My home teacher then said he would call men for me and find someone to come over as soon as they could. He also said if someone didn’t come to my door in 20 minutes, to give him a call.

Within minutes, two boys were at my door from my ward to give me a priesthood blessing.

They were also wearing matching outfits. Unplanned. It was hilarious and made me feel awesome right away.

I was so touched by the action of these four guys. They all know I’m engaged, and they all have no interest in me romantically. They are honest-to-goodness, great men, with a willingness to serve, with the desire to receive nothing in return.

In several classes, I heard girls say, “Why is it so hard to find a good guy?” I heard this especially in institute classes and classes at BYUI. I feel like dating and some religion courses occasionally presented opportunities to bash on the other gender. No bueno.

To those girls I say, “It’s not that hard to find a good guy.”

Now, finding a guy that is a good man, priesthood holder, attractive, funny, hard-working, good with money, good with kids and any other miscellaneous attributes you might request—that. That is where it is tricky.

Categorizing men is not fair. I do recognize I have a dad that treated me with utmost respect growing up. My brothers hadn’t teased me outrageously to the point of low self-esteem and would usually indulge me whenever I asked if I was pretty. Or rather, “Eyes pity?” So maybe, my measuring stick is off.

However, the boys I dated have ranged in personalities and strengths, and I have to say, that although there are some exceptions—some whose only purpose was to give me a good story to tell or humble me— most of them were rather exceptional people.

I’m marrying up. I am, and I’m fine with it. But, if Gunnar were to cease to exist, my hope for men wouldn’t. Without Gunnar, my world would crumble. I would phase between eating everything and eating nothing. I’d cry myself to sleep for months. It would be HARD, if not, seemingly impossible to recover from.

But. But…. I know I would be OK. I would be OK because, perhaps not romantically speaking, but platonically speaking, I could receive the help I needed from good men around me.

I’m a liberalist. To me, “People are inherently good.” I will always stand by that. But today, especially, I want my future daughters, my current friends, my nieces, to know that there are good, great men in this world who want to treat women well.

Girls need this reminder: Who you spend time with is your choice.

And yup, there are losers everywhere. 

I feel badly for the girl who continually hangs out with boys, who worship their bodies, watch poor media that degrades women and don’t buy her meals.  And then she wonders why “there aren’t any good guys out there.”

I feel for the girl who spends time with boys who talk filthy and are insensitive to her feelings. She wastes her time with someones who can’t be bothered to know anything about her family, where she’s from or her aspirations. She does these things and complains, whines or rants that there aren’t decent men in this world.

I hurt for the girl who continually attends activities with poor lighting, music without lyrical or musical foundation and finds disappointment when she sees what the boy she grinded with the night before actually looks like when she adds him on Facebook. Or when she finds out that all he’s interested in is “hanging out,” her booty, the gym or her roommate.

How is this shocking, again?

To these girls, I say this:

Pay attention to boys who open your door. Pay attention to boys who cannot only just give a good comment in Sunday school and are charismatic, but also pay attention to boys who put those comments into action.

Put yourself in situations that entice men who see women as Daughters of God. Go out with boys who buy you food. It’s not shallow or selfish. You will return the favor with countless meals you prepare for your future spouse and family. 

And if you find yourself thinking, “There is no one good out there,” ask yourself what you really want. Because he is out there. They are out there. Praying for you, waiting to love you, if you just put yourself in the right situation, and give those several decent boys a chance.

And one of them will be decent and have almost everything else on your checklist.

I promise.