After getting married I waited for what my best friend Niff calls the “gift of wifing” to be placed upon me. As I approached marriage, I started to get a little concerned because I thought maybe wifing skills would start trickling in as I approached wifehood. I’m actually not kidding.

A week before marriage I’m literally thinking, “WHY DON’T I KNOW HOW TO COOK AN OMELET?!” Real. Thoughts. And that’s a real thing I still can’t do.

And then I got married and it STILL didn’t kick in. You’re probably reading this and thinking, “Shocking.” And yeah, you know what, it shouldn’t have been, but it was. The gift of wifing isn’t a thing, guys. It’s not.

Last Monday Gunnar and I put up curtains. OK, Gunnar did and I jumped on the couch. Also, it was Gunnar’s idea— I would have never thought to do something like that. And he said, “Gosh those curtains need to be ironed.”

And I’m like, “Oh yeah… right. I would have totally noticed that even if you didn’t say anything, and by looking at it I can tell even more that they need to be ironed.”

But everyone here— me, the guy sitting next to me on the train, my husband and anyone who has lived with me knows that I wouldn’t have thought of something like that. There’s no way that would have crossed my mind.  In fact, I wouldn’t have thought about buying an iron, but LUCKILY my awesome aunt and cousins got me an iron, so Gunnar lucked out, and doesn’t have to iron things with my straightener. I mean I don’t have to iron his shirts with my straightener.  Crooked face.

Quite honestly, if someone were to read some of our conversations, they might think Gunnar is more like the wife, and I’m like the pet or the six-year-old. Except for Gun also has all the characteristics of masculinity you would look for in a husband.

I suggest muddy buddies for breakfast (what’s a blog post without mentioning muddy buddies?) and he’s the one asking me if his shirt looks wrinkly. Seemingly, there’s no real correlation, but when you think about it, there’s childhood and adulthood colliding into the bond of marriage. Except the childhood portion is coming from the 24-year-old carrying the X chromosome.

Yeah, this picture is gross, but this was taken at 5am with us eating ice cream while watching "the sun rise" only to realize we were looking west for the sunrise all morning. Concerned? Pray for us.

All in all, I still don’t know what’s happening in life— Something I also thought would magically occur with marriage. I’m starting to wonder if the only person who really knows what’s happening is the Susan on “Miracle on 34 Street.” And also, she’s fictional and four years old.

I suppose I want my friends to know, single, married, whatever, two things:

Along this mess of thoughts, non- thought provoking, but real to say the least, has led me to be OK with the fact that I have to learn these things, and they aren’t placed upon me. And I’m just lucky I have a husband who’s stoked to have a doughnut for dinner.