My favorite month of the year is here: December.

It is time. It’s time to eat too much. Give more. Watch the snow gently fall. Go out of our way to watch a Hallmark movie.

Wait, no one does that.

Nope. I do. I do that.

Last year I watched "Snow Globe" 4 times in three days. If you're in the dark as to what "Snow Globe" is, I've taken the liberty of embedding the trailer. 

I realize I’ll un-make like 250 friends by saying this, but I started listening to Christmas music in September.

*Gasp*

And it was mostly Justin Beiber’s Christmas album. Which, has anyone ever been more obsessed with mistletoe? I doubt it. But I love it. So sue me.

In light of ending the gratitude month, I think it’s fair to forget all that nonsense and focus on something a little different: Things we hate. Thus, I am dedicating this blog entry to the Top 8 worst Christmas songs ever written. You might not agree, and that’s fine. This is strictly opinion-based.

The Top 8 worst Christmas songs of all time:

1) “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

I’ve always hated this song. For a couple of reasons:

1. Nothing about this song sounds like Christmas. In fact, there’s an implied twang involved in whoever sings it. And I HATE that.

2) I hate that Elvis’ entire Christmas is ruined by the absence of one person. That’s a little dramatic.  

2. “Grandma got Ran over by a Reindeer”

I remember sitting in the car as a child when I first heard this song on the radio. I’m not exactly sure what my face looked like, but I imagine it was something like this:

3. “Christmas Tree” by Lady Gaga

Yeah, what a better time to whore out a song than in celebrating the birth of the Savior of our world.It’s almost impressive. Pat yourself on the back, Lady Gaga.

 

4. “Christmas Shoes” by Alabama

“I bring you good tidings of great joy.” False. I give unto you sadness and despair. I’m not exactly reminded of Christ’s birth when I hear a song about a child buying shoes for his DYING MOM. Gosh, thanks for ruining the most wonderful time of the year. Instead of sleeping with sugarplum fairies dancing in my head, I’ll cry myself to sleep.

5. “Happy Xmas (The War is over)” by John Lennon

The lyrics of this song are actually quite nice. Which is why I dislike its musicality that much more. I’m not sure if they change the key 4 times per verse, or if it’s jam-packed with accidentals, but I feel zero resolve throughout the whole song.

And I honestly feel that when John Lennon is singing, “ A very merry Christmas and a happy new year,” that he is on the verge of tears. And I’m like, “Wait, so you want me to have a merry Christmas, or you want me to relive ages 12-13 and only eat yogurt for five days every time I get my braces tightened?”

 

6. “Good King Wenceslas”

Didn’t realize this was a Christmas song until last year. No idea what it’s about and have no interest in finding out. It’s a stupid song only meant to torture any child that decides to start playing a new instrument.

However, my mom did try to tell me about King W. (I plugged my ears and sang loud, so I could be ignorant for the sake of my blog. Something about him being a good guy?) If you have the desire to know what the big deal is, ch-ch-check it. I haven’t read it. Never will. 

7. “Here We Come a Wassailing”

I was in kindergarten when I was forced to sing this song for the Christmas program. I remember raising my hand and saying, “Um, excuse me, Mrs. Williams? Why do you hate Christmas?”

Just kidding. But actually, though. 

But I will be honest, there is no rhyme or reason as to why I hate this song. Other than I find it annoying.

8. “Where are you, Christmas?” by Cindy Lou Who (or Faith Hill)

I have no interest in entertaining the idea of finding something that isn’t tangible. “Where is Christmas, Cindy Lou Who? Um, I don’t know— where is time, or where is speed?”

Are you confused? SO. AM. I.

No wonder this 6-year-old is so stressed.  She needs to stop panicking and have Father Who buy her a Flu Flooper or Who Womper. THAT’S WHAT I’D DO.